Roman turned 14 on Cinco de Mayo, which we commemorated with Shots & Shaves - a rite of passage combining small amounts of bracing lemonade with the somber manly act of shaving off Romi’s first mustache.
Not that we WANTED to forever associate follicular trauma with birthday cupcakes, but truth be told, his starter ‘stache has been stifling his flair for some time now. It was on my RADAR.
But first things first: a haircut. Dedicated readers will know that the prospect of haircut day is withering. It’s one hour to get into the chair and six minutes to get the job done. The pre-phase runs from encouragement (you can do it!) to desperation (I just threw the cloak of invisibility over you and no one can see you now!) to lying (I can’t see you any more - where did you go?) to bribery (how about we shake on a salami sandwich from Subway AFTERwards?).
This is a complicated tango for Roman- he moves forward (saaaaalaaaami!), retreats (the idea of sitting still in a chair while a stranger whips scissors around his head),* sits (NO PICKLES!), stands (whole wheat bunnnnnn!), and is generally so anxious that everyone within eyeshot is uncomfortable. In fact, witnessing this conflicted two-step can be so excruciating that once in Maine, a complete stranger paid IN ADVANCE for Roman’s haircut.** The struggle is real.
So it came as no surprise when we encountered a little delay of game. Roman hit his sensory overload even before the barber’s chair, so we counted ourselves lucky when he emerged with a new ‘do. The lip fuzz would have to wait. But no worries - we have plenty of patience.***
With a buffer of a couple of days, Jeff stood in front of Romi brandishing a spanking new razor in a hotel bathroom, his own whiskers lathered up as a foamy, man-scented example. I wouldn’t say Roman enjoyed it, but the deed got done, y’all.
And while someone with a little more wool on their back might need a change of blades mid-trim, I’m thinking this razor will last him … aaaaapproximately … twenty years.**** How about we reconvene in a month or two? I’ll bring the lemonade.
* We can all agree that this is a bit weird, yes?
** He told the cashier that he just wanted to make someone’s day better. Maybe the lady with the sweaty palms?
*** *cartoon sparkle glints from canine tooth*
**** Just an educated guesstimate. He’s downy.